happy halloween

get your trick or treat on.

i saw a younger asian guy on the train this morning--in costume. this is when i realized it was halloween. the guy was hiphop-style, wearing all baggy clothes under his costume--he was a "sex instructor". how did i know? his lab coat said it. his costume consisted of a white labcoat with a sticker on it, and his growing up gotti-styled hair sprayed gray. i guess he was an older sex instructor. in any case, sort of funny. and very inappropriate for work or school.

for the first time in years, i decided to go with a more appropriate costume. in the past i have been white trash, russian, a gas station attendant, etc. always relating to a stereotype. this year, emily and i handcrafted our own costumes. we were christmas elves. very gay, but very funny. what you are not seeing in the photo below are the stockings and elfin shoes. amazing. my guess is that these costumes will make another appearance in the next couple of months...

old scenester who hates the new age.

i might be contradicting myself here.

but i hate digital media. if that is what i should call it? read on and find out.

we went to see death cab for cutie last night at the tower. let me set the scene:

-tower theater=all seating
-death cab for cutie= an indie band that got popular because seth from the oc listened to them a lot. and they made an appearance (kind of like color me badd on 90210. so good.)
-me=turning 30 in 6 days (yes, feeling old)
-the rest of the audience= teens with their parents (yes, i am already feeling old. but the teens make me feel older. and their parents make me feel creepy. or something? also, i have a new theory on death cab. they used to make more rock music (but still poppy) and now they just make easy listening music. so they appeal to all audiences, well maybe not all. slipknot fans were not there. but lots of teens in abercrombie and fitch clothes were!)
-cell phones and digital cameras GALORE.

this is where my hatred comes from. every other kid had a cell phone or a camera. when i was a kid, there were no cell phones and there were no digital cameras. and you weren't allowed to take cameras into even the smallest of shows. if you took a picture you were thrown out. i almost got thrown out of a morrissey show because some other loser took a picture! i digress. furthermore, when i was a kid, my parents would not take me to shows. actually, i didn't want them to! okay, well there was that one paula abdul w/ color me badd concert (ooh bonus! i mentioned them twice in one blog--or is it blogg? ooh i'm cheeky!)

so all i could see were digial led lights everywhere. and it ruined the whole experience for me. i mean, that in addition to the fact that a teen sweated on emily. eww. gross. teenagers smell. it's true. god, my heart hurts now. i can at least give them "props" for listening to good music. or what was good music until the oc killed it. nahhh, i'm not that bitter. they're still good. but they need to change up the show a little. it was the same show as the one i saw around this time last year!

anyway, if i hope i haven't turned you off to your cell phone or digital camera. no, that is impossible.
but maybe i have turned you on to death cab for cutie. check them out: www.deathcabforcutie.com

more to complain about

we're not moving until at least november 21.

yes, a full 2 months from the first date the loser-builder gave us. at this point i don't even really care. i just want to relax and not think about it. it's friday and i need drinks.

but if you are at all interested, i'm including some pictures. you can see what the front will look like when it's done (although, our door is stand-alone, so we will have one set of steps and no neighboring door). there are also pictures of the park and our "city skyline" view.





so i guess i am still excited. just slightly annoyed.

pain, pain, i know your name.

the name is: impinged sciatica.

i went to the doctor this morning because i have been in minor pain for about a month. it's nothing crazy, just my left hip hurts. sometimes less than others. so i have this constant fear that i have some disease. i guess you could say that i am borderline hypochondriac. but i feel like i question my problems within reason. for instance, i went to the doctor last year about a lump that was on my neck. within five minutes of my visit, the doctor told me that it was just a muscle. he made me feel the lump and move my neck...and it disappeared. he laughed and sent me on my way. i felt like a real tool. but a healthy tool, nonetheless.

so today, the doctor walks in (an hour after i have been sitting there) and starts bullshitting with me about cell phones and some cigar usiness he wants to start up? meanwhile, my ass and back hurt so bad that i am like, "get to the point, i am in pain." so finally, i tell him what's wrong (hoping that he doesn't make me pull my pants down. haha. who ever wants to do that?) and he diagnoses me within 30 seconds or jabbing my hip and butt cheek with a pen. his remedy? he tells me not to leave my wallet in my back pocket anymore (and some drugs). i wish i could say my wallet is so fat that it caused my back pain, but i don't roll like that. in fact, i have about $4 in my wallet on a regular day. so i have to do all of these warm compresses, get an x-ray (just in case), take some anti-inflammatory pills, etc.

is this a sign of turning 30?

good show!

warning: this blog might be a bit pretentious.

emily and i went to see jenny lewis with the watson twins last night at the tla. it was really good.

not only has it been a really long time since i'd been to a concert, it's been a long time since i'd been to the tla. it's a really good place to see a show--the sound is amazing. but the band we saw was amazing. i am sure that if you saw slipknot or something loud and scary there, it would be just like any other show. but i guess that if you're listening to slipknot, you're not really interested in the sound--it's the experience of the gore and all of that, right? i'll never know. and i'll never understand.

so how do i describe the band? indie/alt/country? but good, seriously. it's like the glorious angel of roseanne cash came down to earth, reincarnated. weird. haha. sorry. what? i never thought i would get so in to this, but it's great. jenny lewis is the lead (also the lead of rilo kiley) and she has a sweet voice. i almost felt like her voice was better live. is that possible?

anyway, that is not the point. the point is that there are twins in the band and they are the backup singers. emily and i agreed: they are really great singers and we were totally mystified by them. one is cuter, but the less cute one is a better singer and a better dancer. (oh, did i mention that they do synchronized dances, just like the supremes would do? too funny.) one has better hair, so it made it seem like she was cuter. but was she? i am baffled by twins. mesmerized.

i would see them again. and you should listen to their music. go to http://www.jennylewis.com/ and check it out.

wait a minute mr. postman

junk mail is taking over my life.

in the past two weeks, we've thought that we've lost 2 important pieces of mail due to the overflow of junk mail coming in to my house. it's completely out of control.

sign up for this credit card and get a free computer. no, sign up for this credit card and get frequent flier miles. come and shop at this store--that you have never been to. vote for me. no, vote for me. STOP THE INSANITY (susan powters).

last week we though we lost concert tickets. we were freaking out for days that we threw them away during the MAJOR junk mail purge we had to do. luckily i found them filed away. in a random folder.

i hate being disorganized. i hate that junk mail is taking over.
it's like email spam, only more annoying! how can we stop it?

never moving

damn real estate! damn builders! damn realtors! damn them all to hell!

i just heard this morning that the settlement on our house is being pushed back AGAIN.

first they told us september 22, then they told us september 29. then they told us october 4. then it was october 16. now it's october 26. how frustrating?!

i think the worst part is that every time, i have to ask what is happening. no one has the sense to call us (the buyers) to let us know that the house is not done. so i emailed this morning, pretty much knowing that the house is not done. emily and i went by there on friday and peeked into the windows. nothing has changed in like a week. grrr.


--
--

so this is what my realtor told us:

"Due to delivery problems settlement needs to be moved to the 26th; I made it clear that we were coming dangerously close to the end of your lease and that if closing was postponed AGAIN we would be looking for compensation, that being your November rent.

Your frustration is understandable but sometimes it's the nature of new construction (weather, delivery & labor problems, etc.)"

--
--

Uh, no shit i want to be compensated! And who ever said we could stay in our apartment past October 31? Hello? I hope we can stay in the house.

And really, I understand that this happens all the time with new construction. What I don't understand is why they tell us these details only when we ASK for them.

That's it. I'm done.

vintage posting: things that make my heart hurt

this was originally posted on my old blog on march 29, 2006. it's totally vintage.

things that make my heart hurt

"somewhere, someone is wearing a tube top. in church."

i am quoting an old friend's book here because it directly relates to a conversation i am having with my friend alice over im. (yes, i know, the fact that i consider "im" a conversation is making your heart hurt. shut up.) but sometimes in life you just want to cry for people. they embarrass you. they make your heart hurt. so let me just list a few...

-"the garter belt toss" at weddings. you know this always ends up being tragic. an innocent 15-year old girl wants to catch the pretty flowers and a 40 year-old alchie is vying for some wedding-ass. the two worlds collide in the middle of an empty dancefloor to the beat of "maneater" by hall and oates-in front of hundreds of your closest family and friends--and it is ultimately TRAGIC. my heart hurts just writing this. in fact, alice just told me about a wedding she went to when the bouquet-catcher grabbed the garter-catcher's crotch and proceeded to ride his back like some wild cowgirl-stripper. what? that made me puke a little in my mouth. and this is why there was no messing with the garter at my wedding.

-christmas sweaters. oh my god, being "festive" needs to stop at the wardrobe. you can decorate your house, your office, your car (well, maybe not your car), whatever...just please don't decorate your clothes. and DO NOT wear christmas ball earrings if you are over 12, please? emily and i went to disney with my family 2 christmases ago and people were SO decked out. this leads me to another point...

-the adult fascination with disney. hey, i'm not gonna lie. i like disney. we have been there and had a great time-as adults...without kids. but it ends there, okay? there is no way in hell that you will catch me in disney denim. or with a mickey head on my antenna. or in a christmas hat with disney character ears coming out of it (see last point). but chances are, you will catch a hell of a lot of depressing people with it! and it killlllls me! you want to know what the worst is? POOH. fucking pooh. my heart is sinking as i type this, but it really makes me sad when i see a grown up in a pooh shirt. it makes me feel like eeyore. one time, i heard that someone i know was dating a GUY who wore a pooh shirt. thank god i never had to see that. i would have curled up in a corner and cried.

-goth. was it ever really cool? no. well, in the sense of like the cure or maybe some other music it was. but that is not what makes my heart hurt. it's the fact that so many current goths are really, extremely depressing in another way--a geeky, zitty, black make-up at age 13 with big black pants and a slipknot shirt sort of way. hot topic is to be blamed for this. the guy who opened that store had a good idea. the idea, you ask? to make my heart hurt. if i see one more little boy with painted fingernails and a choker, i might cry. now that is goth. but seriously, this is a call to all parents of goths: hide the make-up, the nail polish, the japanese anime and horror dvds, and the bad music. save your child from being an eternal weirdo. it's cool to be different. it's not cool to make my heart hurt.

-(i just wrote a really long piece here and decided to cut it out because it made my heart hurt so bad.)

-old people at the doctor's office...in the city. really, this could be two different topics, but i am losing steam. i went to the eye dr. yesterday because my right pupil i inexplicably dilated. but i was sitting there and there was an old couple sitting there...staring at me. i wanted to show them the magazine rack so they would stop looking at me, but i realized that they had really thick glasses (woman) and solar shields (man) on. so ignored it and smiled at them. they probably couldn't see me. heart. hurt. ing. ugh...

so then, she says to him, "honey, the time in the meter is probably up and we have not seen the doctor yet. do you have any quarters." of course he had none. i gave him one. then i realized that i should've gone outside and fed the meter for him. old people crossing the street in the city scares me. and makes me SAD. so sad. oh so sad. move to the country, already. you will be happier there. things are sloooow. wa.

-the real world. i just turned. i used to like it. now i hate it. the people are acting so hard that it upsets me. i can't watch it no mo. sorry, mary bunim (r.i.p.).

-people like eminem. god i have to admit that i am wildly entertained by these kids in their hoodies, the crazy-huge pants, the bad arm tattooes, the gold (oh, the gold). but when they open their mouths and they sound like they think they come from the hood, it pains me. why you gotta talk like yous a gangsta, beee-otch?

geez. i could go one for days if i really put my mind to it. but i am tired and it's time to go. plus, this is probably the longest blog i have ever written. i am a loser. i make my own heart hurt sometimes. actually, i make my own heart hurt a lot.

tiny dancer and other funny/scary sightings

some of the funny things i have seen recently...

a homeless guy at the corner of second and south, sleeping with a golf bag strapped to his bag. (homeless=not funny; golf bag on the homeless=very funny)

a guy walked into a bar in portland wearing a flannel robe. (no, that is not the beginning of a bad joke. it's no joke.)

screech has a porn movie now? sad. last i heard, he was trying to make money by selling t-shirts on the internet (my brother-in-law, brian, got me one. i wear it on saturday mornings when emily and i pretend we are 12 again and watch our saved by the bell dvds. no, we will never watch the porn.)

and finally...the ridiculous dancing midget video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_WjsuoMrcEM)
ummmmm...what the hell is that? i feel like they need to put that thing in a cage. i can picture him viciously eating people. he's an animal, i swear. that can not be human.