it's gonna be a good weekend

we're camping in virginia this weekend. i hope we come home early on monday, because i should have a very special delivery waiting for me. Just got this email from netflix:

R. Kelly: Trapped in the Closet: Chapters 1-12

Arriving on or around: Saturday, Sep 01, 2007

Holla. Happy Labor Day.

awkward children

venezuala, circa 1988 (?)

there i was, in venezuala...wondering why no one there had tight rolled their pants or buttoned their shirts all the way up. did they not know style? were there no cool kids in caracus? where the z cavaricci at? where my bugle boyz at? nowhere to be found. i was bound to show them what it was to be hip and cool. or maybe what it was to want to be hip and cool.

damn, i was the most awkward person in the world at age 13 (that is an estimate--you can never tell how old i am in pictures, because i was/am a human giant). i am still pretty awkward, but do i look like that now? will i look at current pictures when i am 45 and gasp and want to curl up in a ball and make it go away? please say no. (in my mind, i know the answer is "yes" since i shudder at photos now.)

i mean, i have to say, this can't be all my fault. seriously. what were my parents thinking? did they think i was a "cute" kid? there is no possible way. why didn't they cage me up and never let me out? how did they let me pick those glasses? did they not know that the eyeball does not extend to the cheek and that my cheeks don't need to see too? did they think the tight roll was okay? (to my defense, those pants had a printed material on the inside. so bugle boy encouraged the tight roll--my parents didn't even have to.)

anyway. that picture speaks for itself. and i have many many others that speak for my awkwardness as well. and they are going to get better. or worse? in any case, i'm going to begin to post them every once in a while. it's therapeutic. (not really, but that is a funny thought: embarrassing myself is therapeutic.)

ridiculous

i know it's really crass to publish this post after my last blog. but that is just how my brain works. sorry.

so we all know i work for a company that produces those annoying little banner ads, right? i have always ignored those ads, but now that i am in this job, i notice every one. so from time to time, i am going to copy (at least one frame) them and post them here. because they are so ridiculous. my favorite is this dancing alien for mortgages--it always shows up on cnn.com. but i have not seen it in a while.

my new favorite is this:


i actually hate it. and i hate that store. it's just so ridiculous. it embarrasses me for some reason. in case you are not familiar, american apparel is a clothing store that mainly sells cotton garments like tee-shirts, sweatshirts,etc. but they also sell tights and lame (luh-may, i have no accent symbols and am too lazy to look up how to create one in html)shit. it's horrendous. i remember walking by one of those stores in DC with my parents. a sales girl was wearing fluorescent green tights and a lame (again, lu-may)bathing suit. they circled back around to look and laugh. yes, that is how ridiculous this store is.

the hipsters love it. philly mullets reallllly love it. oh, "philly mullets" are the hip kids in tight dirty clothes with shaggy hair. i did not coin that term. but i used it there for a while. it's another way of saying "hipster" but it's regional. regional hipsters. haha. i'm old.

your prayers or well wishes are needed

hi, everyone. just wanted to throw this out there...

a friend of ours' two year-old son is in the hospital because he almost drowned in the family's pool last week. emily and i have not spoken to the family, but i just wanted to put it out there...thoughts and prayers can help the little guy get better.

thanks.

the ultimate lazy

i have reached a new level of lazy. at work.

a coworker and i have a pseudo bet going that we can make it until at least december without changing the bottle on the water cooler.

his rule is that he doesn't take a cup of water when the level is at the second line on the bottle. mine is that i just don't change the bottle. ever. in fact, i just went into the kitchen with my red silo cup in hand (it's like a keg party at work) and found the bottle empty. i went without water. i seriously ate lunch with no drink.

see, for a while i was exempt from changing the bottle, because of my surgery. but now i am all good and have no reason to NOT change it. except for the fact that i am lazy. and place a bet on top of that (with no wager, that is what makes it "pseudo"), and you will never see me lift a bottle.

i do have to say, though, that this could bring some awkward times. what will i do when a woman asks me to change the bottle? that always happened at my last job. i could say, "sorry, i am morally against water bottles of that size." or "ooh, not gonna happen." those probably wouldn't work.

while i am on this topic, i have to tell this story. when i was on a break from any lifting, maybe a week after my surgery, i was walking through the kitchen and a younger woman was changing the bottle. she lifted it up, spilled some water, stepped back, slipped backwards and spilled all of the contents of the bottle on herself. IT WAS HILARIOUS. all you heard was, "oooooohhhh..." but i scurried out of the kitchen, because i quickly realized that i was the only male there. i swear i was only passing through.

regardless, i have never changed the bottle.

grillmaster

who can grill some chicken and making it tasty?

this sexy m-fer:


this isn't my grill, it's my father's. but this has become my spring-summer hobby. you name it, i've grilled it: hamburgers, hot dogs, chicken, veggies of all sorts, beef, fish. wait, no pork. maybe i am not a pork fan. maybe i am.

my favorite meal of the summer has to be grilled veggies (asparagus, eggplant, peppers of all colors, squash, portbellos) and grilled chicken with a tasty marinade. god, i am hungry.

so the point of this post is for you to get to know me better. this is what i like: grilling, cooking, and eating. i know, it's no surprise. check out those sexy love handles!

more things i hate: august, 2007

every day i find myself thinking or saying, "god, i hate that!" and it's always something new. am i a complainer, or are the things i hate truly annoying? probably a mix of both. i am not gonna lie--i know i am a complainer and that i hate a lot of things. but these things irk me, as of this morning:

1. "track changes" in microsoft word. yeah, it's nice that you want to show me what you edited, but can't we just be old school and do it on a print out so i don't have to go back, click every f-ing change you suggested and accept or deny? it's a waste of my time. and it always ruins my formatting (another thing i hate).

2. body odor. why is every morning on the bus like a "sure" commercial for me? why don't people deodorize? i mean, come on. when i smell, i know it. and i shower. do you really want to share your funk with the whole bus? or do you really not know? you know when you smell, don't lie. on the other hand, i also hate it when people have clearly bathed in their favorite scent. no one cares if you smell good, they just care that you don't smell. give it a rest.

3. bugs. i have seen a lot in and around my house lately. particularly flies. why? because we have an ancient apple tree on our block. the crab apples fall on the ground and rot (until someone cleans them up) and swarms of flies abound. every time you open the door, you are bound to get a fly in the house. it sucks.

4. calculators. how the hell did i get a job where i need to use one every day? what happened here? it's been this way for a few years now, but it's just weird. i was an english major in college. now i could be a mathlete (except for the times when i have to call or IM emily and ask how to do a percentage. no lie. i'm not embarrassed. in the end, i know the calculator is my friend, but i hate it. i always transpose numbers and have to do things all over.

that's all i have for now. i am sure i will come up with more in a few minutes.

the weekend

Everybody's working for the weekend
Everybody wants a little romance
Everybody's goin' off the deep end
Everybody needs a second chance, oh
You want a piece of my heart
You better start from start
You wanna be in the show
Come on baby lets go


seriously, let's go. this day is never ending and i am ready for weekend fun. i really have nothing to report. i just wanted to post something, because i was on such a roll with posting.

this weekend has really just been long. work has been busy, but in a good way. and we went to great adventure for a company outing yesterday. no, that is not what i mean by "busy in a good way". but i guess i was busier because i knew i was going to be out for a day. honestly, not much else has happened this week.

enjoy the weekend. maybe something will come to me over the weekend and i will blog the crap out of it.

stop the violence

i am about to get serious.

what can we do to stop the violence in philadelphia? it's really upsetting. why do so many people have to die...in vain?

speaking of, that reminds me of a story...a few weeks back, emily and i went to the liquor store to buy some stuff. it just so happens that this store is right next to a monster pets. there were about 10-15 people standing just off the property, picketing monster pets. one woman kept yelling, "animals are dying in vaaaaaaaain!!"
another woman was chained inside a wire pet crate, wearing a dog mask. so weird.

i digress. i am really upset about people dying for no reason. why isn't the city doing anything to stop it? our mayor is such a scumbag. i wish he got jumped while waiting in line for his new iphone. then maybe we would have action to stop the violence. what can we do?

i wish the philadelphia rap community would come out and make a "stop the violence" video like they did back in the late 80s. remember "stop the violence, say peace" with chuck d, kool mo dee, etc? that was excellent. so i am calling on the roots, eve, and any other philly rapper to remake it. and maybe be smart and stop the "no snitches" thing too.

it's time this city get back to its' roots. we are the city of brotherly love.

clean up time

remember when you were a kid in art class? the last 10 minutes of class was always dedicated to "clean up", right? apparently, that rule hasn't stuck for the people who created the mosaic monstrosity on our block.

all of the work is said and done. the artist is not coming back. but the rest of the block is a mess! there are spots of blue, purple and pink grout everywhere. even on our front steps. and they left tile shards all over the place.

does anyone know how to clean up the colored grout? aside from calling the douche-ey artist and telling him to come back and clean up. maybe turpentine?

i'm pissed.